Seeds of Doubt
At some point in our time on the mats, many of us have considered quitting Jiu-Jitsu. Some people are “naturally good” at Jiu-Jitsu. These people usually have an athletic background either in wrestling or another physically intense competitive sport. What seems “natural” is really the result of years of hard work. Hard work that probably started at a very young age. That, or they are just genetically endowed with physical and mental assets that allow them to rise to the top much quicker than your average practitioner. They are the outliers.
For most of us – myself included – Jiu-Jitsu is much harder (or at least was for our first few years on the mats). We spent a lot of time getting smashed and submitted by our training partners. We spent even more time struggling to grasp new techniques and concepts that others seemed to learn so quickly.
Jiu-Jitsu can be very physically demanding for those without a strong athletic background. It can be mentally demanding for those who aren’t accustomed to complex problem-solving. For these reasons it can be very confusing, frustrating, and downright demoralizing to come to class day after day and feel like you’re not getting any better.
1% Better Every Day
However, the truth of the matter is that you’re always getting better. It might not feel like it when most of those around you are at least accelerating at same pace as you, and some are accelerating even faster (the aforementioned “naturals”). When this happens, you have to reorient your perspective. You have to look at your own accomplishments and areas of growth – and not compare them to others. Even if this means your goals are as seemingly meager as getting submitted ten times per class instead of fifteen, or achieving step one in a technique that you have been so far unable to initiate. This is what it means to get 1% better every day.
Comparison is the Thief of Joy
To compare our Jiu-Jitsu to others simply isn’t a fair judgement of our own progress. Not only because some of us learn faster than others, but because we are all so radically different as individuals. We all bring something unique to the mats: different starting points, goals, perspectives, problems, struggles, and general aspirations in life. Because of that, we will all progress differently – at different paces, and in different ways.
This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t strive to be better at Jiu-Jitsu, and that looking up to people and having “role models” isn’t a positive thing. We all train Jiu-Jitsu in large part because we want to be better at Jiu-Jitsu, so naturally we will aspire to be like those whom we deem to be great. Having an instructor – or technically/athletically superior training partner – to whom we look for guidance and inspiration isn’t a bad thing. We just need to realize that our journey and destination will likely be very different from theirs.
It’s Just Jiu-Jitsu!
Most of the time we just have to realize that Jiu-Jitsu is just Jiu-Jitsu! There are much more important things in life. This is a good thing to remember when you begin to be discouraged and frustrated by a perceived lack of progress. If you beat yourself up for every perceived failure, Jiu-Jitsu will cease to be fun. When Jiu-Jitsu ceases to be fun, you will be less likely to come to class. It will start to feel like a drag – a chore. You will find yourself so demoralized that you would rather stay home than face the stress and frustrations that being on the mat now brings you. You will eventually quit training.
Instead of going down this rabbit hole of self-doubt, use this as a sign that you need to adjust your perspective. When you’re having a hard time in Jiu-Jitsu, remind yourself that it’s just Jiu-Jitsu! It’s simply one aspect of your multi-faceted life, personality, and character. Remind yourself of something positive you have experienced or achieved in your life outside of Jiu-Jitsu. You could perhaps recall the strength of your relationship to your significant other or friends, your accomplishments and achievements at work, or your growth in your personal hobbies or interests.
Outside Interests and “Unwinding”
I recently was talking with a Jiu-Jitsu and MMA athlete, Ronee Dizon of Strong Heart Academy, about interests outside of Jiu-Jitsu. Ronee took up bowling as way to distract himself from the grind and intense competition of Jiu-Jitsu and MMA. Not so he could get away from Jiu-Jitsu, but so he could excel at Jiu-Jitsu. He said that some of his friends found humor while poking fun/making jokes at his choice to join a bowling league and some of his training partners laughed at what seemed an “odd balance” in their eyes. However, Ronee knows what is best for him more than anybody else does. He sees bowling as a necessary balance to keep him continuously engaged in Jiu-Jitsu and other Martial Arts.
If faced with unrelenting pressure and adversity all of us will eventually break – it’s merely a matter of time. We need something that we can focus on outside of that stress and pressure in order to regather our strengths and recover – both physically and mentally – from the grind of training. For Ronee that’s bowling. For me it’s reading and immersion in book culture. I’ve worked in a bookshop for more than a decade and read voraciously. For others it’s hiking, kayaking, and outdoor sports. For others it’s family. We all have something we can focus on that takes us away from stress and towards a more balanced way of being.
The Highest Goals
Ultimately, we should alway be thinking about and reassessing our reasons for training Jiu-Jitsu. Many of us start training because we want to be able to defend ourselves, or get into good shape, or learn and compete in a new sport. Usually though, we learn quickly that Jiu-Jitsu provides us with a lot more than what we thought it would. We find ourselves learning lessons on the mats that don’t directly pertain to Jiu-Jitsu technique. We become more respectful. We paradoxically become more confident and more humble. We quickly gain a new group of friends in our training partners. By sharing the mats with a diverse group of people – from all backgrounds, of all political/religious beliefs, rich and poor, men and women – we realize that there is a lot more that unites us than separates us. We discover a strength within ourselves that we never knew was there. A strength that prevails through adversity, and shines under pressure. After a while we discover that Jiu-Jitsu has changed us and our lives in an endless variety of ways, and shapes so much of what we do and how we relate to the world.
This is because Jiu-Jitsu is about so much more than beating people up, “getting the tap,” and winning medals. It’s about learning, growing, helping others, facing challenges, and solving problems. It is about personal growth, but it’s also about aiding and assisting in the personal growth of others. Jiu-Jitsu can teach us a lot about life. It can redirect us towards what actually matters in life. It can help to repair our relationships and change our perspective and orientation towards the world.
Be a Good Person: Forget Everything Else
When you’re struggling, and having thoughts of quitting Jiu-Jitsu, remember that it’s ultimately not your Jiu-Jitsu that matters: it’s who you are as a person. It’s about how you treat others. It’s about your character, and how you carry yourself in your personal life off the mats. What good is Jiu-Jitsu if it’s not good for you, if it doesn’t improve your character?
I’ve met a lot of amazing people with bad-to-average Jiu-Jitsu, and a lot of unscrupulous people with amazing Jiu-Jitsu. Who do you think I’d rather spend my time with? Who would I rather be remembered as? That guy who had great Jiu-Jitsu but was a total asshole that nobody wanted to be around? Or that guy who was okay at Jiu-Jitsu but was always helping others, making people laugh, and lifting up everybody around him? Personally, I would err way on the side of the latter. Also, keep in mind that the two things – being good at Jiu-Jitsu and being a good person – aren’t mutually exclusive. However, one of them is far more important. As long as you have your priorities in order you’ll be fine.
So try not to compare yourself to others. Learn to relax and let progress come in its own time. Allow Jiu-Jitsu to change you in positive ways and reflect on how good Jiu-Jitsu has been for your life and character. Be a good person. And when your times on the mats get rough, remember Jiu Jitsu is just Jiu Jitsu!